Maybe that was the start of my Repo Madness, because I knew it was irrational, but the sight of those books gave me comfort.Įventually I became curious and idly picked one up and started to leaf through it. I sorted out a couple that I vaguely remembered her carrying around and set them out as if she had just been there reading and had put down her book to start dinner. My mother had been a nonstop reader and when I inherited the house I found boxes and boxes of novels stacked in the basement. I reached for my book, my schizophrenia behind me. I’m not alone at all.” I scratched his ears and he groaned, his eyes half-lidded, until he collapsed at my feet. Sensing something, Jake wandered over and nosed my hand, staring up at me with soulful eyes. I sat in my living room, watching the firelight reflect off my empty beer bottles in a festive fashion, and wondered what the psychiatrists would say if I told them how much I missed my psychosis. Illustration by Steve Vance 7 There Never Was an Alan LottnerĪlan had been like a loose tooth-irritating and constantly demanding attention-but when it is finally gone the hole it leaves behind is, in some ways, worse.
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